Tuesday, December 01, 2009

The One Where I Almost Catch a Disease, Lose My Foot, and a Homeless Man May or May Not Have Seen Me Naked

My friend and stylist Holly is also a photographer (see her amazing work here) and a few weeks ago I posed for a shoot for her. Her original plan had been to get me out on a boat in the middle of the lake in a vintage wedding dress. Instead, due to time constraints, we wound up at a closed down factory in the middle of Smalltown USA that in theory is going to be turned into a kick-ass grocery store but for now is a pile of rubble, broken glass, possibly industrial waste and a potential breeding ground for disease. Really - it was so dirty I kept thinking I was going to catch TB. Or Swine Flu. Or SOMETHING.

And seriously y'all - while I brought along several changes of clothes (and made some on-site clothing changes that may or may not have resulted in a homeless man getting his first glimpse of female human flesh in quite some time), I only brought along 1 pair of shoes: My Louboutins. These are my most *perfect* shoes ever. They are also the most expensive shoes I own. I won't even tell you how much they cost because you would promptly faint, fall out of your chair, hit your head, get a concussion and possibly die and darling reader - I don't want you to die a gruesome, Natasha Richardson style death. You're too special to me. Sigh.

Anyways, you try climbing up piles of wet, muddy rubble in pricey, champagne satin, 4-inch stilettos. Oh yeah - keep in mind you're training for a half marathon and so twisted ankles aren't exactly an *option.* It's not easy. But I'm a sport and Holly is awesome and we somehow managed to make it work.

At one point I offered to climb up a ladder but to get to *that* ladder I had to climb up a different ladder and so I started up ladder #1 but didn't want to break my neck so I took my shoes off and threw them up to what I thought was the platform at the top only to discover when I got to the top that I had thrown my PERFECT PRICEY LOUBOUTINS into a vat of....what? Industrial waste? Chemicals? Rainwater?

Whatever it was, it was dark and murky and dirty and ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY VILE NASTY GROSS OMG I WANT TO DIE and holy Hell did my MOST PERFECT SHOES EVER just fall into that crap? Wait. Rephrase. Did I just HURL MY MOST PERFECT SHOES EVER INTO THAT?

There was a slightly more than mild moment of panic when I thought I might lose my foot (because you know, I had no other shoes and I had to put the wet, possibly chemical shoes back on) but we quickly returned to Holly's salon where we hosed off my foot (picture the scene in Silkwood where they scrub Meryl Streep RAW) and Holly gave me a pair of "Bite Me" socks (OMG - does this girl know me or what?) that were pink with red apples (hence the Bite Me - they weren't bitch socks or anything and I totally love apples) and I left her salon in the socks, the Loubs, my Greek shipping heiress sunglasses and a fur-trimmed, brocade vintage coat with giant rhinestone buttons. You know what they say - a picture is worth a thousand words. Speaking of pictures...here are some from the shoot. And trust me when I say - Holly is a genius. I do not look this good in real life. Or most people's dreams. It's all her...









6 comments:

Karen from Mentor said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE the third one from the top.

!!!!

AndreAnna said...

Girl, you're like ferociosnessicity!

Shelly said...

Those photos are awesome!

Rachel Cotterill said...

Great pics :) Trust the shoes have made a full recovery?

Shelly Overlook said...

While all the pics are stunning, I get a certain Breakfast at Tiffany's vibe from the one color photo that I love. You, darling, are gorgeous!

kyooty said...

I love hte touch of pink cheeks! pretty!