Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Twitchy Woman

Y'all - seriously? What the Hell did we do before Twitter? Last week, I was stuck in 8 hours of mind-numbing, soul-sucking, spirit-crushing CPE because apparently, while I am not an accountant, I had the pleasure of playing one in my own personal living Hell. Do you know what I did for 8 mind-numbing, soul-sucking, spirit-crushing hours (besides bug The Kaiser incessantly and ask him to keep me entertained as in DANCE MONKEY BOY - DANCE FOR ME NOW!!)? I Twitched. Yes that is so a word. I know because I made it up. Twitch = Bitch + Tweet and it's nothing short of genius. Who the Hell is in charge of making up new words? Webster? Oxford? Whoever it is should totally give me a call.

Anyways, I Twitched a shitload. For the full transcript, check out My Week In Tweets but here's a small smattering:

Just learned where malpractice lawsuits come from. Not nearly as thrilling as where babies come from. Or mold spores.
10:26 AM Nov 11th from UberTwitter

10:58? It's only 10:58? My watch must be broken.
10:57 AM Nov 11th from UberTwitter

2 minutes til lunch and we're learning about the Theory of Deepening Insolvency. Hold me people. Hold me.
11:58 AM Nov 11th from UberTwitter

2:03 PM Nov 11th from UberTwitter

Crap. Kept thinking I was done in 1 hour and 5 minutes. It's *2* hours and 5 minutes. FML.
2:40 PM Nov 11th from UberTwitter

Thrilling stuff - I know.

Anyways as I kept sending out all of my anger and frustration to the Twitterverse, I seriously wondered what did we do B.T. (Before Twitter)? Who did we complain to? Who did we cry to? Who did we boast to? Where did we direct our questions? Who told us whether to wear our hair up or our hair down? With whom did we share the mundane details of our quotidian existence? Who told us what to download to our iPod? Or what books to read? Where did we self-promote? Where did we discover new things? Where did we get to vent? If we needed to know whether to paint our toes Gossip or Flirt - who did we ask?

For me personally Twitter is like Google with a Zoloft chaser and a giant box glass of wine shared with a close girlfriend. It's actually pretty fucking genius.

Anyways, then I went a step further in my analysis (because OMG I was so fucking bored there was nothing better to do than to analyze my Twitter use) and realized that while Twitter has 1001 uses, I am rarely a happy girl on Twitter. I am usually more inclined to Twitch, bitch, moan or groan than I am to celebrate, praise, or do anything remotely positive. Except pimp my blog. I am always happy to pimp ITAC on Twitter. This was confirmed when I plunked my handle into Analyze Words and I got an actual, legitimate analysis of my Tweets. Here's what Analyze Words has to say about Rougie (based on my most recent 1923 words):

My Emotional Style is primarily Worried (I scored 84 - Very High) and Depressed (I scored 64 - High). I attribute this to the fact that I've had a freak wasp infestation on account of the unseasonably warm weather and so yeah - large, buzzing, stinging insects flitting about my house are making me a wee bit stabby. And who better to share this stabbiness with than my loving followers (and a crapload of porn bots). I was Averagely Angry (I only scored a 58) and when it came to being Upbeat, I was Low with a 27. For the record - last week I was Depressed and Angry as opposed to Depressed and Worried. I didn't have a wasp problem last week and I can't recall what was making me so damn Angry. I guess the Depression is consistent. I'll chalk that one up to the fact that I don't sleep.

The good news is that when it comes to my Social Style, I am highly Personable (71) and not at all Arrogant/Distant (26). I don't know how I feel about being told I am semi Spacy/Valley Girl (like - I totally scored a 48 fer sure). And I was frankly a little shocked to discover that I am not a total failure when it comes to being Plugged In (50).

I don't know what to make of the analysis of my Thinking Style: Analytic (56-Average), Sensory (65-High), and In-the-Moment (51-Average). Any thoughts? (PS Harmzie - sweet little enginerd love of my life - can you graph this perhaps?)

So yeah. According to Twitter I am essentially an unhappy and miserable chalerie. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. Really. Are you people aware of how much I exercise? Are you aware of the endorphins COURSING through my body on a daily basis? To quasi-quote Alicia Silverstone from Clueless: people on endorphin highs HAVE TO BE HAPPY. It's like a law or something. So fine. I haven't had sex in - oh wait. That's a totally different post. (Sigh) Anyways - I am not a depressed shrew. Really. So my goal over the next week is to Susie Sunshine the fuck out of Twitter and come across as an upbeat God Damn Pollyanna. If. It. Kills. Me. :-)

Anyways - just wondering dear readers - how has Twitter changed your life and what did you do B.T.?


kyooty said...

this is going to sound like spam but bear?bare? with me... but you have to read it through to get to the think positive! part. :P

AndreAnna said...

I like the community and feedback of Twitter.

And the booze. I like the booze.

Um, wait, YOUR Twitter doesn't give you booze? You're sleeping with the wrong twitter.

Nenette AM said...

Life didn't exist before Twitter. Okay, that was a lie. It's actually: I used to have a life before Twitter. Now, Twitter is my life. Okay, almost.

Like AndreAnna, I love the social/community aspect of Twitter. I can vent when I'm pissed. I can share cool stuff with people in an instant. I can learn new stuff. On Twitter, I've never ever felt alone.