Sunday, November 29, 2009

My Week In Tweets: November 22 - November 28

I pity whoever is on the treadmill next to me. Unless they like the smell of stale Guinness and sweat...
11:36 AM Nov 22nd from web

I am en route to the gym. It's also possible I am TOTALLY HIGH right now if I think I am able to run more than a mile - if that...
12:15 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Have gone from thinking 10 miles to 10k to 10 minutes. Excuse me - am off to die.
12:21 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

10 minutes and I haven't died. Or puked. Despite a rather foul Donatos pizza commercial and some nauseating slop from Kay Jewelers.
12:33 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Remember when I thought going for a run was fun? Training fucked that shit up. Big time.
12:44 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

5 miles. If I can run 5 miles I can run 13.1 right? #trainingfail
1:07 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Let's face it: 5 minutes in *my condition* was impressive.
1:10 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Total guilty movie pleasure: Payback with Mel Gibson.
2:39 PM Nov 22nd from web

Operation 400 Christmas lights in my living room is a SUCCESS!!!!
3:00 PM Nov 22nd from web

How do the rest of you feel about Bad Romance by Lady Gaga because I am totally ambivalent.
3:44 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Although I do dig the French a la Blondie. And you could totally tell Lady G went to NYC prep school. Except for the whole *no pants* thing.
3:45 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Howie Long is looking sharp! Seriously - when did these NFL dudes start dressing so nattily? 3 purples ties? Terry sporting lime green?
4:21 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Just overheard: Do Jewish people celebrate Thanksgiving. OMG.
4:36 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Also being debated - why don't other countries celebrate Thanksgiving. Yes. I am not making this shit up.
4:37 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

I am overwhelmed by the intellectual capacity at the smalltown, redneck sports bar. Oh wait......
4:37 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Sitting with @Lilsaej discussing Aerosmith. She's just discovered a whole new *level of meaning* to their lyrics. #blessherheart
6:07 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

"You ain't seen nuthin' til you're down on a muffin...." #blessherheart
6:08 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

GO JIMMIE!!! WOO-HOO! HISTORY IS MADE!!!
6:41 PM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Coming home to sparkling, multi-colored lights is utterly squeeful!!!!
7:23 PM Nov 22nd from web

Goodfellas *kinda* makes me want to go to prison like Pretty Woman *kinda* makes me want to be a prostitute.
8:08 PM Nov 22nd from web

RT @rebeccad: If you want me to buy something I don't need, make it sparkle and put it on sale.
5:45 AM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

I have amazing neighbors y'all. The dear folks to my left are nursing the puppy hit by the car on Saturday. #sodamnrelieved
5:47 AM Nov 23rd from web

This rainy, cold, wet, grey, damp, utterly sucktastic weather can bite me.
7:25 AM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

Dear @Citibank: YOU ARE KILLING ME. I'D LIKE TO DRIVE A STAKE THROUGH YOUR HEART YOU CAUSE ME SO MUCH ANGST. xoxo Rougie
10:33 AM Nov 23rd from web

After politely asking the rep not to hang up on me when she placed me on hold 10 gajillion times, guess what she did??
10:41 AM Nov 23rd from web

I swear to sweet baby jeebus that when I get this damn account closed I am popping a bottle of champagne and drinking the whole damn thing.
10:44 AM Nov 23rd from web

And nothing like getting sucker punched at work to brighten your day. #crapisittuesdayyet
11:12 AM Nov 23rd from web

Dear @Citibank: If you made ANYTHING remotely easy for your customers I'd die from shock. Please don't change. I like a challenge. xo Rougie
12:39 PM Nov 23rd from web

Guess who got dragged out kicking and screaming for a pre-vaca drink (or several) with the boys?
6:07 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

Though really use of the words "dragged," "kicking" and "screaming" don't actually apply in this case. Or ever.
6:08 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

If I'm conscious and you ask me out for a drink odds are better than good I'll accept. Sigh.
6:08 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

Scaring the locals y'all. Scaring the locals.
7:10 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

4 wings and 3 slices of pizza for dinner. #massivedietfail
8:15 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

Apparently I've worked my way into The Fall Guy theme song. Flattered? Horrified? Both.
8:56 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

Getting a lesson in how to make moonshine. Either "cornmeal" or "any fruit that moves." OMG y'all - MY LIFE!!!!!!!
9:00 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

And yes - I'm out with Sumo and The Kaiser. If you couldn't tell. Sigh.
9:01 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

Direct quote: "Google Earth has hurt the liquor still business." Yes y'all - I do not make this fermented shit up.
9:02 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

I've never seen Blazing Saddles. Sumo and The Kaiser are beyond disappointed. #massivepopculturefail
9:21 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

"We might be in trouble" #smokeyandthebandit #storyofmylife
9:51 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter

At the airport waiting to wing my way to @MarshallKarp.
11:13 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Evil looking teen is giving me the stink eye. What? Have you never seen anyone inhale a club sandwich before?
11:14 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Really - this child is unfortunate looking. And I'm trying not to be a massive bitch but oh yeah I have no filter.
11:15 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

"Maintenance issues." "Might not be able to board." FML. This is why I don't travel.
11:17 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Guessing my 11:45 is not going to be on time.
11:37 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Mechanic went to get a part for avionics. Then they run a test. Then maybe we board. Oh dear.
11:45 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

So unfortunate looking child is also loud AND bossy. I'd move but there are no other seats.
11:47 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Flight is still listed as taking off at 12. Um - it's 11:57. You might want to update that.....
11:57 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

We're getting a whole new plane. Also? A new gate so I am no longer forced to look at/listen to unfortunate looking teen.
12:09 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

I am considering having a baby just so I could board faster.
12:43 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Obviously I mean for future flights. I know I can't have a baby right now.
12:44 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Of course I could *steal* one.
12:44 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

And that last Tweet was a total joke. But the ones before it were semi-serious. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe.
12:45 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

They did a bang up job cleaning the plane. Explains the half-sucked on cough drop at my feet. FTW?
12:48 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

There is absolutely no point in trying to compete with a puppy. NONE.
3:33 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter

Watching my childhood stuffed animals being trashed. Then again - I think they might be breeding swine flu.
9:09 AM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Is there a clove shortage I don't know about? Bought some ground cloves yesterday - $8. !#*! dollars. These will be some chere cranberries.
9:25 AM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Making pudding from scratch? A bitch. Making caramel from scratch? A bitch? Making caramel pudding from scratch? BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH
4:38 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Here's what I've done so far today: made pimento cheese, gougeres, soup, stuffing, cranberries, baked a pie, blogged and run 10 miles.
5:01 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Here's what I haven't done: brush my teeth.
5:01 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

So life with a 4yo is one never-ending question of WHY?
7:28 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Also? God I love my family but they give new meaning to the word dysfunctional.
7:29 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Apparently one should not improvise when reading stories to a 4yo. Lesson learned.
8:20 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

I salvaged 1 wee teddy bear from the 2009 Thanksgiving Stuffed Animal Massacre. He was put through the wash and left on my bed. #regressing
10:41 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Seriously y'all - this may have been My. First. Teddy. Bear. Ever. #swearimgonnacryandnoitsnotthewine
10:42 PM Nov 25th from UberTwitter

Dear fitful, sleep: Oh how I've missed you. How I've missed tossing and turning. Thanks for paying me a visit. Xoxo Rougie
7:13 AM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

I am thankful for my 4yo nephew. Holy Hell this kid is cute.
7:54 AM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

My 4yo nephew is singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want" and on a quest for a Rolling Stones CD. My ovaries just exploded.
11:21 AM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

We've moved from The Stones to "Go Go Go Gadget." Hold me.
11:26 AM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

Have successfully eaten my weight in pimento cheese and bacon crostini. Am extremely thankful.
12:24 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

Elastic. Today especially I am thankful for elastic.
1:30 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

Dear Turkey: STOP teasing me and POP already......
3:43 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

My Thanksgiving fantasy was a sucess. *smiles dreamily* I need a cigarette.
5:54 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

Did I say that caramel cream pie was a bitch? I meant it was mmm-mmm-mmm delicious. Truly.
6:42 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

We just taught my 4yo nephew to play Candyland. "It's my game," he decreed and promptly put it in his room.
7:36 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

What does one do after cooking for 2 straight days? Why one makes turkey soup of course. #smackmeiminsane
7:51 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

I don't care that Cary Grant was *unsuitable* Would totally bring him back #timemachinefreebies
8:38 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

Dad: I can't hear you when you yap. Just Tweet. Me: Okthankyousweetbabyjeebus
8:55 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

Dear Universe: please reincarnate me as Grace Kelly in ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!
9:10 PM Nov 26th from UberTwitter

Turkey-barley soup with carrots, corn, mushrooms and Brussels sprouts. Y'all are just glad I don't have a camera phone. #foodpr0n
8:14 AM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

4yo Nephew: What are you doing? Me: Stuffing for breakfast. Him: Why? Me: Because it's sooo good. Him (pauses then grins): That's so funny.
8:41 AM Nov 27th from web

Whoever invented Candyland was a genius.
9:38 AM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Caramel Cream Pie in the fridge is TAUNTING me. Sticking my fingers in my ears: "I can't hear you."
12:10 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Dear Pie: Shut the eff up and leave me alone. Xoxo Rougie
12:13 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

My carry-on contains 2 books, a pound of raw Brussels sprouts, stuffing, cranberries, pimento cheese, and a giant ass slice of PIE.
12:22 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Also? My childhood teddy bear. But I'm not bringing home soup because that's just plain odd.
12:23 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

So glad @MarshallKarp pays attention to those flashing lights that say turn on your radio. And that he has GPS. #theresnoplacelikehome
2:34 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Do you ever look at people, scratch your head and wonder: WTF are you thinking dude? #airportphilosophy
5:01 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Dude - wearing sunglasses for 4 STRAIGHT hours doesn't make you cool. It makes you a GIANT DOUCHEY ASSHAT.
5:05 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Just spent $90 at the grocery store. On what I have no idea since I didn't *need* anything. Except wine.
6:04 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Watching Aladdin. Drinking Shiraz. Should be entertaining......
9:07 PM Nov 27th from web

25 minutes into Aladdin and no Robin Williams. WTF??
9:26 PM Nov 27th from UberTwitter

Whoever decided to market Nutella as nutrious was clearly HIGH. It's not nutritious. Not remotely. It's fucking chocolate.
9:59 PM Nov 27th from web

Ok- if I were on a magic carpet w/ Aladdin I would not be singing. Especially "A Whole New World." #justsayin
10:23 PM Nov 27th from web

I am 1 business day away from closing out my Citibank account. Hold me people. Hold me.
7:08 AM Nov 28th from web

OMG!! @mcmama nominated me for Google Wave. I feel like one of the cool kids....finally.....
9:44 AM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

So...7.5 feet is QUITE large. For a Christmas tree that is.....
12:38 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

At Wal-Mart. Want.To.Die.
3:23 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

There are 10 people waiting to return crap. 1 person working the return counter. You do the math.
3:24 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

And when you factor in where I live, the math looks *even worse*
3:25 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

The same person has been returning an item since I got in line. Clearly this is not a MENSA convention.
3:27 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

Also? Will shortly require Xanax, a martini or both.
3:27 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

Dante had it wrong. This is the 9th circle of Hell.
3:30 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

Well that visit cost me $50 and a GIANT piece of my soul......
4:00 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

It looks like a glitter factory threw up all over my Christmas tree. It's AWESOME. Feelin' FESTIVE!! #discochristmas
4:56 PM Nov 28th from web

To copy @alicat28 Sweet: 2 free beers. Sour: ASSCRACK. Pull your pants up woman!
8:51 PM Nov 28th from UberTwitter

OMG y'all. Does anyone else think I require medication after reading all that???

3 comments:

Karen from Mentor said...

"I pity whoever is on the treadmill next to me. Unless they like the smell of stale Guinness and sweat..."

WHAT? no garlic?

kyooty said...

just an observation the list got longer this week....

Karen from Mentor said...

"Coming home to sparkling, multi-colored lights is utterly squeeful!!!!"

pssst....my tree was up
Nov 16th....don't tell anyone...
:0)