Sunday, November 22, 2009

My Week In Tweets: November 15 - 21

Just hauled my cookies to Wal-Mart and spent $43 on my cat. My pee everywhere but the damn litter box cat.
8:51 AM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

Of course, maybe if his litter didn't smell rancid he'd use the box. #petmomfail
8:52 AM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

AND I got accosted by church peeps in the parking lot. I think I need to start wearing a large Chai around my neck & Star of David earrings.
8:53 AM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

Can someone please remind me why I thought that signing up for a half marathon was a good idea??
10:03 AM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

9.3 miles (or 15k) in 1:24:39. Was aiming for 10 but my iPod died and I can't run without music. #training
11:52 AM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

Rewarding myself with ice cold Mich Ultra just like after a *real race* #ghettotraining
11:52 AM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

Eagerly awaiting @lilsaej for a little Sunday Nascar action. Meanwhile - DAMN this cold beer is good!
3:59 PM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

Well hello. Pulled my head up from Ubertwitter long enough to see that the #48 is in the lead! #gojimmie
4:01 PM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

@lilsaej threatened to send obscene Tweets from my phone while I went to the ladies room.
5:58 PM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

What she doesn't realize is that she probably can't out-obscene me.
5:58 PM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

She's a sweet southern belle. And I'm....well I'm me.
6:01 PM Nov 15th from UberTwitter

What kind of Asshat stands RIGHT IN FRONT of the weight rack to lift?
5:55 AM Nov 16th from UberTwitter

I mean could you be ANY closer to the mirror? And ANY MORE in the way?
6:00 AM Nov 16th from UberTwitter

Also? Baggy jeans and a fitted muscle tee is not a good look ANYWHERE but especially not here.
6:01 AM Nov 16th from UberTwitter

It's quite possible I am drinking soapy Diet Ginger Ale right now. #dishwashfail
8:50 AM Nov 16th from web

Gym (Sat), 9.3mile run (Sun), gym (today) - its official - I can't walk.
9:59 AM Nov 16th from UberTwitter

Who the hell is Chest Roswell?
6:52 AM Nov 17th from web

Tell me Twitterverse: who builds a conference room and falls to put in an outlet? WHO?
9:22 AM Nov 17th from UberTwitter

Either the bathroom mirror at the office is exceptionally unflattering or my ass Supersized itself overnight? Also - who stole my calves?
11:29 AM Nov 17th from UberTwitter

Seriously - if I worked here everyday, I'd have a complex. Or require medication. Or possibly both.
11:31 AM Nov 17th from web

Random: turning christina aguilera and my ipod off and spontaneously belting out a medley from Really Rosie.
2:42 PM Nov 17th from UberTwitter

There's roadkill and then there's roadSPLATTEREDALLOVERTHEFUCKINGHIGHWAY.
2:57 PM Nov 17th from UberTwitter

Feeling feisty. Like a kitten with a ball of string. Or a teenage boy on prom night.
3:01 PM Nov 17th from UberTwitter

My cat is so desperate for attention. You'd think I hadn't been home in da- Oh wait.....
6:59 PM Nov 17th from web

I think a glass of wine is totally in order after my trainer kicked my ass. One and a halfx squats? WTF??
7:30 PM Nov 17th from web

Does anybody else get a giant hard on looking at dresses on Modcloth?
9:51 PM Nov 17th from web

Dear @ModCloth: trying to buy lovely dress from your site . CAN'T log in. AM PISSED. Get your webshit together. Please. xo Rougie
10:37 PM Nov 17th from web

My new goal: Nothing but Susie Sunshine Smiles on Twitter from here on out. I won't say 1 thing about the asshat drivers on I-40. Nope.
8:34 AM Nov 18th from web

Puppies. Cotton Candy. Rainbows. Fairy Dust. Sunshine and Smiley Faces. Unicorns. Teddy Bears. #seetwittericanbeupbeat
11:47 AM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

Ok - that last Tweet made me mildly sick. But in a happy, upbeat, positive, non-stabby kind of way. Cuz that's the kind of girl I am.
11:54 AM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

You know what else makes me happy? Lots and lots of bacon on my salad. And cheese. Bacon and cheese - YUM!
1:09 PM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

Add free Twizzlers at the office and Peppermint Mochas from SBUX to the "Me Sooooooo Happy Today" list.
1:49 PM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

Is it me or does anyone else worry that they have a booger in their nose, lettuce in their teeth or food on their face during lunch mtgs?
1:51 PM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

Cuz the guy I had lunch with kept dusting his mouth and I was afraid I might have a giant pice of tortilla chip glued to my cheek w/ guac.
1:52 PM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

Did I mention I'm happy AND fat?
2:00 PM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

Have discovered I am well suited for a Western. Why? Cuz apparently I have saddlebags attached to my thighs. Oh wait - is that too Twitchy?
2:04 PM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

A day this long should have involved more than 1 glass of wine.
9:00 PM Nov 18th from UberTwitter

I bit the bullet and made a list. But a very *special* list It's the only list I can handle... #twitHER #bedauchery #drinkyerfaceoff
7:01 AM Nov 19th from web

What kind of hotel only does room service for dinner? WTF and FML b/c OMG - not showered and need coffee.
7:43 AM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

Looking at a business card rec'd from an attorney last week. TELECOPIER?!? WTF? What YEAR is it people? Am I missing something?
8:17 AM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

There is NO way this caramel peanut fusion triple threat Power Bar is remotely healthy. No way.
9:58 AM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

Today I am thankful for the following: double-sided tape, Bumpitz and very good concealer. Also? Diet fill-in-the-blank.
10:58 AM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

Now I know why they give you black napkins when you're wearing black pants. My pants look like they've got dandruff. #lintfail
1:11 PM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

Of course my 2:30 is running late. Cuz - ya know - I'd like to be on the road. Heading home.
2:45 PM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

I will not Twitch about the fact that my 2:30 is turning into a 3. Nope. Won't. Cuz I am not a Twitchy kindy of girl.
2:51 PM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

Where are all you people GOING??? GO HOME!!!! (Oh wait....)
5:17 PM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

Breaking fucking news y'all: men like girl on girl action. *slaps head* WTF?! (Just kidding)
8:07 PM Nov 19th from UberTwitter

Chik-fil-A and Coke Zero - am so easily pleased.
11:46 AM Nov 20th from UberTwitter

Also? @samanthajcampen is teasing me. #twitWHORE
11:47 AM Nov 20th from UberTwitter

Get to stand - IN HEELS - for a full hour presentation. Um - let's file that under: #shoefail.
12:04 PM Nov 20th from UberTwitter

Balding, gold chain, moustache and tinted glasses. HELLO 1974!
1:09 PM Nov 20th from UberTwitter

Christmas music at the mall. Can. Not. Deal.
1:27 PM Nov 20th from UberTwitter

Welcome @RandallCandle to our deranged, twisted, semi-sober world. #ff
2:31 PM Nov 20th from UberTwitter

Pretty new dress arrived from @ModCloth along with tax refund. Squee!!!!!!
3:09 PM Nov 20th from UberTwitter

I've resorted to pimping my @MarshallKarp for business purposes. Is that just wrong??
6:18 PM Nov 20th from web

Cold Chinese food and Coke Zero Cherry for breakfast - because I'm classy yo.
7:46 AM Nov 21st from web

I'm off to buy a Christmas tree. Yes - I am aware of the fact that I am Jewish. No - we can't discuss.
8:35 AM Nov 21st from web

Also - we can't discuss how damn expensive these things are. Maybe I need to stick to my roots, skip the tree and buy a dreidel.
8:35 AM Nov 21st from web

Of course, they don't have dreidels where I live. Hell - I have to order my Hanukah candles online.
8:36 AM Nov 21st from web

Yes I can too celebrate BOTH holidays.
8:36 AM Nov 21st from web

The biggest problem I face is getting out of my new bathrobe. Seriously - I got it yesterday & it's so damn comfy I might never take it off.
8:38 AM Nov 21st from web

Holy crap y'all! Some idiot just hit a dog on the side of the road in front of my house.
8:53 AM Nov 21st from web

Dog went limping off, howling in pain. Asshole who hit him drove off. WTF is wrong with you people?
8:54 AM Nov 21st from web

Sigh. Now I must get out of my robe and look for the poor puppy. I seriously might cry y'all....
8:54 AM Nov 21st from web

Yes Wal-Mart peeps - I didn't brush my teeth OR put on a bra. Just for you.
9:25 AM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

Y'all - the dog limped off into the woods and I couldn't find him. Keeping my eyes peeled though. #peoplearemorons
9:54 AM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

Just discovered mouse turds in one of my suitcases upstairs. Promptly commence freak out. FML.
11:52 AM Nov 21st from from web

Also? I'll be Fedexing my luggage going forward.
11:52 AM Nov 21st from from web

Or I'll have to get drunk before I pack next time & hopefully forget that Mickey is apparently using my luggage as his own personal toilet.
11:54 AM Nov 21st from from web

Currently hanging 400 holiday lights in my living room. Wondering if I should have plugged them in first to test them?
2:13 PM Nov 21st from from web

Because this light hanging business is nothing short of a GIANT PAIN IN MY ASS.
2:13 PM Nov 21st from from web

I'm seriously thinking of defriending like, 10 people on Facebook. Is it is liberating as I think it might be?
4:59 PM Nov 21st from from web

Hah! I suggested defriending peeps on FB...guess who just got defriended? #dontgiveacrap #sooverit
6:04 PM Nov 21st from from web

Wearing my hair up in a French twist for the 1st time since I chopped it last fall. Looks great from the front but it's a hot mess in back.
6:41 PM Nov 21st from from web

Girl sat down sporting rhinestones, copious amts of eyeliner & a teased mullet. Apparently it's 1983 & I didn't get the memo. Or Halloween.
9:33 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

Saturday night. Sports bar with Sumo. UFC. #iveofficiallygrownapair
10:02 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

But am double fisting Diet Pepsi and vodka/Sugar Free Red bull so in some ways I'm still *all girl*
10:07 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

OMG - I know UFC isn't exactly a place for fashion tips but: so want a pink satin robe that says *bad ass* across the derriere....
10:08 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

UFC is horrifying, addictive, bloody, expensive, entertaining, disturbing and all kinds of I DON'T KNOW.
10:21 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

So this is just the warm up fight. These guys aren't *that good* Holy Hell.
10:24 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

WTF Joe Rogan? From News Radio to UFC???
10:35 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

Do we think the UFC announcer chose a brown suit, brown shirt and brown tie ON PURPOSE????
10:44 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

Random drunk girl in the ladies room asking me for Tums. WTF y'all??
11:27 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

So I didn't know that people still wore their hair *like that* *blondefrizzyteasedtowithinaninchofitslife
11:47 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

Does the crapload of beer I've had tonight count as carbo-loading for tomorrow's supposed long run?
11:49 PM Nov 21st from UberTwitter

Um.....the 80s called....they need their hair back. WTF?
12:36 AM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

Real men don't drink cosmos #justsayin
12:43 AM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

The Kaiser: Ink don't cover up ugly. Well said my friend. Well said.
1:09 AM Nov 22nd from UberTwitter

1 comments:

jona said...

Your neighbors;
Don and Iris, are nursing the sweet pup that was hit by a car in front of your house. I would lobby for the speed limit to be reduced to 45mph: that way; cars might slow down to 60mph. It is a very dangerous road.