How much caffeine is required to prevent one from actually dying from exhaustion??
6:16 AM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Dear family: I apologize in advance for my chipped flourescent fuschia manicure and the rat's nest on my head masquerading as hair.
7:14 AM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Upside of there & back in 1 day? No luggage therefore no need to join the mad stampede onto the plane. The downside? There & back in 1 day.
7:41 AM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Oh Howard Schultz. Thank you, thank you, thank you for inventing Starbucks. I worship at your shrine right now.
7:53 AM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Things that tell time but don't automatically reflect the time change are confusing the Hell out of me. I landed 30mins early, not 1hr late.
9:58 AM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Why is there never a Starbucks when you need one? Aren't they supposed to be *everywhere*?
10:00 AM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
There's a reason why there are no Jewish soap operas. That's cuz every single drama filled moment is our ongoing real life soap opera. Oyvey
12:32 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Are there any Jews who have a sense of direction?
12:50 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
I get no alcohol. But no caffeine? Are you people trying to kill me?????
1:42 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Can anyone update me on Talladega? NY bartender just laughed when I politely asked if we could turn the Jets game to the Race.
3:10 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Just my luck. Desperate to get home early. Waiting for standby. On a full flipping flight. Please universe....get me on the 5:05. PLEASE.
4:22 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Flying standby feels so humiliating. It's like - can you smell how desperate I am to make this flight?
4:31 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Does Rumplestiltskin work for UsAir? Cuz I'd totally promise him my first born child to get on this flight.
4:32 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Channelling Dorothy: "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home." Think it will work?
4:34 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Crap. There's an awful lot of people waiting to board this flight. I don't feel encouraged.
4:43 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
THANK YOU! Last one of the 5:05. Now the tears I weep will be tears of joy! #theresnoplacelikehome
4:50 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Longest. Day. Ever. And it's not even 8pm.....
7:16 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
Really Phillies? Hitting A-Road AGAIN???
8:27 PM Nov 1st from UberTwitter
13 hours and 31 minutes: Door to airport to NY to airport to Door. I'll venture a guess that's it less than 10 minutes from sofa to bed.
8:34 PM Nov 1st from web
3:18 PM Nov 2nd from UberTwitter
Choice a) Entire bottle of Advil Choice b) smash head on desk repeatedly Choice c) move to Mazatlan Choice d) it's 5 oclock somewhere right?
4:02 PM Nov 2nd from UberTwitter
Can you stab a spreadsheet? CAN YOU????????
4:57 PM Nov 2nd from UberTwitter
Hot Tamales and Shiraz might be the best candy/wine combo ever...
7:36 PM Nov 2nd from web
8:17 PM Nov 2nd from UberTwitter
I'll say it: I hate Utley. There. It's out in the open now.
9:09 PM Nov 2nd from UberTwitter
9:10 PM Nov 2nd from UberTwitter
It's looking like Susan Boyle for the Yankees i.e. not too pretty....
9:34 PM Nov 2nd from web
Apparently I have a randomly new freckle above my right eyebrow that looks like I've been branded with a Bic pen. Sweet.
10:25 PM Nov 2nd from web
Just discovered the J. Crew clearance store in Asheville. In other news - I'll be eating Ramen and tuna fish for the next 2 months.
2:14 PM Nov 3rd from UberTwitter
It's my last night with Sumo and The Kaiser for a week. It plans to be a doozie....
7:18 PM Nov 3rd from UberTwitter
Me: My pants are feeling snug. Sumo: So take them off. Me: *smacks head* Walked into that one.....
7:34 PM Nov 3rd from UberTwitter
Me: Kim Basinger is an overrated actress. The Kaiser: Yeah - but she's got some dandy tickets. Me: *smacks head again*
9:57 PM Nov 3rd from UberTwitter
The Kaiser just tried to teach me how to do a pose down. #runandhide
10:15 PM Nov 3rd from web
Sigh. Really y'all - sigh.
10:15 PM Nov 3rd from web
My gorgeous new shoes hurt like a bey-otch. Think it's a sign I shouldn't have purchased them?
9:55 AM Nov 4th from web
No matter. I will work through the pain because that's the kind of girl I am. And? Because they are GORGEOUS.
9:56 AM Nov 4th from web
I will never stop saying this: STUPIDITY MAKES ME STABBY.
1:47 PM Nov 4th from web
How is that these people have survived? Isn't there a law of natural selection?
1:48 PM Nov 4th from web
Apparently the universe has it in for me today. You know what universe? Suck it.
1:51 PM Nov 4th from web
I'd like to find something positive to say about insurance. I can't.
2:07 PM Nov 4th from web
So my concussion from FOUR MONTHS AGO is still biting me in the ass. STILL.
2:17 PM Nov 4th from web
Being interviewed by a scary claims adjustor. And when I say scary I mean HOLY HELL OMG HOLD ME NOW scary.
3:33 PM Nov 4th from web
My 4yo nephew just called to tell me he's excited to cook Thanksgiving dinner with me. #meltmyheart
7:56 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
When discussing the menu though, I swear he asked if there would be sushi. Either sushi or turkey - I'm not sure - I don't speak 4yo.
7:57 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
Either way he's the coolest little dude ever!
7:57 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
Double play - now that's what I'm talkin about!
8:02 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
SUCK IT PHILLIES!!!!!
8:34 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
That's right: load the bases with 1 out and A-Rod up. Suck it you son of a motherless goat!!!!!
9:01 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
I LOVE the determined look on Matsui's face.
9:05 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
Who's your daddy Pedro? Who? Oh - Hideki Matsui......
9:08 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
Chase Utley can bite me.
9:33 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
Hell yeah DOUBLE PLAY! Suck it Phillies!!!!!
9:42 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
9:49 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
How many times has A-Rod been beaned? Four? And on a full count? #suckitphilliessuckit
9:52 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
There's no crying in baseball!
10:14 PM Nov 4th from UberTwitter
So I totally forgot just how much driving in rush hour traffic blows big bags of donkey balls.
7:59 AM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
8 minutes parked on the exit ramp. I see another 8 minutes in my future. FML.
8:04 AM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
And to all of you A-Holes NOT waiting in line and passing on the left and sneaking in last minute? Suck it.
8:06 AM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
What kills me more is that this traffic is going to kill my chances of finding parking.
8:10 AM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
So networking without cocktails is not nearly as much fun as networking with cocktails.
8:56 AM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
I am hell bent on making these new ballet flats *work for me* Not working yet which might explain the look of sheer pain on my face.
11:39 AM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
What kind of asshole walks into a Caribou toting a Venti from Starbucks? Oh - the one who just sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME.
12:07 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
I am so flipping hungry I could eat a cow. Good thing I am having lunch at Ruth's Chris. #callmeacarnivore #lovesbutter
12:28 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
The smell of butter and beef has me weak-kneed......
12:49 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
Someone in Iran Googled *sxy hors donkey daughter* and found me. I don't quite know how to react to that...
5:27 PM Nov 5th from web
Dear Universe: You can stop kicking me in the nuts now. Thanks.
5:58 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
Times like this I wish I had a punching bag b/c I want to POUND THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF SOMETHING.
6:35 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
*sedation dentistry* there's a concept I can wrap my arms around and cuddle up to on a cold night.
6:55 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
Watching the blonde stripper who had sex w/ Josh Duhamel be interviewed on TV. Can't tell which is the stripper & which is the interviewer.
7:16 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
45 minutes on the elliptical and I am a half step closer to sanity. The next half step will definitely involve wine.
7:21 PM Nov 5th from UberTwitter
Rejuvenated furnace + shiraz = 1 calmed down and dare I say *happy* Rougie.
9:09 PM Nov 5th from web
My cat only has claws on 2 of his paws. Those were the ones that *dug in* when he just jumped into my lap. It's too early for this.
8:32 AM Nov 6th from web
I was all set for an "It's a new day" attitude adjustment. And then my cat drew blood befopre 9am. Ok world...I can take a hint...
9:03 AM Nov 6th from web
Because I am having a shitastic day, I figured I'd drive a stake in my heart and call Citibank....
3:33 PM Nov 6th from web
Dear Chase Manhattan: THANK YOU FOR FREEING ME FROM THE EVIL CLUTCHES OF CITIBANK. (I hope) Eternally Yours, Rougie
4:10 PM Nov 6th from web
For the first time since Tuesday I am wearing shoes that don't leave me in excruciating pain.
4:13 PM Nov 6th from web
So I LOVE that I know my local BoA branch manager. And I LOVE how he actually helps me when I need help. It's called customer service!
4:41 PM Nov 6th from UberTwitter
Waiting for my Brooklyn-born shoe guy to perform magic on my newly purchased torture chambers for the feet. Am optimistic.
11:38 AM Nov 7th from UberTwitter
Did I say optimistic? I meant: this man is a genius and there was never any doubt.....
11:43 AM Nov 7th from UberTwitter
Did I mention this is being done while I wait?
11:44 AM Nov 7th from UberTwitter
Bottomless mimosas and wild blueberry cheesecake at brunch. Not a bad way to start the day.
1:56 PM Nov 7th from UberTwitter
Suck it Heels!
6:34 PM Nov 7th from web
William Powell as Nick Charles in the Thin Man Series is way hot. I'd do him. #timemachinefreebies
6:48 PM Nov 7th from UberTwitter
I'd also do Myrna Loy. #timemachinefreebies
6:49 PM Nov 7th from UberTwitter
OMG Alfred Hitchcock - I love you AND Jimmy Stewart AND Grace Kelly AND Rear Window! All of you! I love all of you!
7:22 PM Nov 7th from web
Dear Grace Kelly: Can I be you? Pls? Esp. In Rear Window cuz you're *perfect* Sigh
7:45 PM Nov 7th from web
And that's all the random crap I thought this week. Actually - that's just the random crap I thought and Tweeted. Frighteningly, there's a whole lot of stuff that I don't share...
2 days ago