File the following in Twitter under #FridayFail:
I left my house at 7am on Tuesday. With the exception of a 13 hour stint Wednesday night/Thursday morning that mainly involved me unpacking, repacking, and sleeping - I wasn't home until 4pm today. As a result, my poor cat hates me and he's decided to show me by choosing to pee all over the circa-1972 shag blue carpet instead of his spiffy, fancy litter box. FML.
My solution to walking into a house that smelled like cat urine? To dump half a bottle of Woolite Carpet Cleaner (especially designed to remove pet odors) onto the carpet.
Result? It was like an episode of Three's Company and the room upstairs that houses Sebastian's litter box is now submerged in suds. And Mr. Roper is trying to evict me.
Also? For a while my house smelled like Love Canal i.e. TOXIC. Now some of the Love Canal smell has died off but apparently my cat has some kind of mystical urine because OMG now that stench is back. So it's like a cat-urine-soaked Love Canal upstairs. LOVERLY.
Remember my Rise 'N Shine Bars? That heavenly concoction of butter, sugar, more sugar and more butter? Well every year our local paper hosts a recipe contest for the Holiday Cookbook and every year I submit a recipe (or 4) and every year at least one recipe makes the finals and every year I lose and I thought this year would be different because the Rise 'N Shine Bars are OFF THE HOOK YO but...OMFG. Apparently 3 sticks of melted butter is TOO MUCH DAMN MELTED BUTTER because the bars I just pulled from the oven are a melted buttery mess and not at all like the caramelized sugary gooey pile I pulled last time and I blame my schizo oven but OMG I have to submit these tomorrow to the peeps at the paper for tasting and judging and while I am sure I can scrounge some decent bars from the middle (not submerged in a giant pile of melted butter) this recipe is so not publishable then again what am I bitching about because the woman who won last year won on SOMEONE ELSE'S RECIPE so yeah. Breathe Country Girl. Breathe.
I am apparently an epic klutz tonight. I mean EPIC. In pulling the container of oats from the shelf the top pulled loose and oats spilled EVERYWHERE. Then in trying to clean them up I stepped on the plastic dustpan and BROKE IT. And then I knocked over a bottle of olive oil on my counter. AND NO - I HAD NOT HAD ANY WINE WHEN THIS HAPPENED.
So yeah...it feels like a big ol' #FridayFail today. Oh wait - it's fucking Friday the 13th isn't it? Explains Everything.
Excuse me. I'm going to go pour another glass of wine and finish watching the Maltese Falcon and hope this #FridayFail comes to an end.
2 days ago