Tuesday, October 06, 2009

A Case of Mistaken Identity

Apparently I have a doppelganger. She dresses a little more shabbily than I normally do. And her hair is typically way out-of-control frizzy. And frankly - she could stand to put on a wee bit of make-up. But aside from those minor differences - she definitely resembles me. Kinda. Sorta. At least physically she does. But mentally? Not so much. Because I am a total anal-retentive, responsible OCD freak and my doppelganger - well, she locks herself out of the house like some sort of flaky teenager and that's just so. Not. My. Style.

So that was NOT ME you saw standing in my driveway yesterday at just a few minutes past noon, rain-soaked and cold, bedraggled and bewildered, clutching a damp pile of mail and scanning oncoming traffic for the locksmith. That was SO NOT ME. That was HER. My pajama-clad, frizzed out doppelganger.

Because I do not lock myself out of my house. I DO NOT. And I certainly don't do it while dressed in purple cropped PJ pants festooned with skulls, a totally ratty an oversized charcoal gray cardigan and a black scarf knotted around my throat because I am perpetually cold because I have no heat in my house. Oh yeah - blame Miss Thang for that too. Responsible folks like me deal with their lack of heating BEFORE the first 50-degree day. They do. I do. But my doppelganger? She clearly needs a little Jack Frost nipping at her something to kick her shabby ass into gear. Sigh.

And you can rest assured that I would never leave the house looking like I just stuck my finger in a socket. Because I wouldn't. Because I am way too classy. Because my mama done raised me the right way. But my evil twin? Well - she was raised by heathens and let's just say when she's having a bad hair day, she's not afraid to show it. To anyone. And in this case, the steady stream of busy lunchtime traffic shuttling past my house.

So yeah - clearly there was a giant case of mistaken identity yesterday. And to all of you who thought you saw ME in a moment of utter WTF? weakness shock and horror at my own mental clumsiness, rest assured - it wasn't ME. It was HER.

Now excuse me. I need to take my daily dose of lithium.


Karen from Mentor said...

Poor doppleganger. I hope she got a warm blankie straight from the dryer and some hot tea with honey for her throat when she got back in the house.

Some days it just doesn't pay to drag your doppleganging butt out of bed.....

Shelly Overlook said...

I saw that bitch in my neighborhood last week in her pajamas. In the front yard.

Anonymous said...


jon said...

When I saw "Doppleganger", I thought: what does that term mean?
My first idea is of Don Knotts, and
the Apple Dumpling Gang.
It sure is a funny word,...DOPPLEGANGER

rudecactus said...

I ran across my own doppleganger once. It was disconcerting.

ssueiro said...

funny, I have a fancy doppelganger. People call me by her name all the time, but are also looking at me funny like she's having a bad hair day. Then they realize I'm not her.

Hope you're feeling better! Stupid flu shots, I refuse to get them.