Friday, October 23, 2009

Burnout

Iron Man called me on Monday to get the scoop on my race results. For about 10 uninterrupted minutes, I told him all about Saturday's saga - although seeing as he is a coworker, I left out the whole "voices in my head" thing. Anyways, I barely paused for breath and when I finally, finally, finally came to the end of my 3-part miniseries (I don't know how to write a short blog post tell a short story), Iron Man spoke. "I can tell you what your problem is in one word," he said calmly, knowingly.

"What?!" I practically screamed all the while trying not to lunge through the phone and shake this critical wisdom from him.

"Burnout," he said matter-of-factly. "Country Girl - you are burnt out."

And I thought about it and then I felt like weeping because OMG he was so spot on right it wasn't even funny.

I am BURNT OUT and in more ways than one.

Take running. I committed to Kiawah back in JULY. That gave me nearly 5 whole months to train. Well - most half marathon training schedules are no more than 12 weeks and with 7 weeks and 1 day still to go, I am WAY AHEAD OF THE GAME. Of course, the irony is that I feel like I have totally abandoned training. Long runs are few and far between. Monday was the first time I had done speed drills since late August. And all this running on the treadmill has me feeling woefully unprepared for running outdoors. Not to mention my knee is acting up although if I re-committed to stretching daily that might help.

Only - I feel like I don't have time to stretch because oh yeah...guess who has a social life again? That's right. After several months of being a homebody, I have been tentatively dipping my big toe into the social whirlpool. Aw fuck it. Who are we kidding? I dove into the pool headfirst and then decided to cross the damn English Channel. Seriously - chalk this up to another "I don't do moderation" moments in my life.

The good news is that I am going out, I am having fun and I adore being with friends. The bad news is that I am on occasion tired, I feel like I am ignoring things that used to be central to my existence (this blog for one thing, other people's blogs for another - do you know what it's like to open up Google Reader and have 48 unread posts? It's suffocating and overwhelming), and I am not taking great care of my body i.e. I am eating crap. I have gained 7 pounds in the last few weeks and while it doesn't make me overweight, let's just say my superskinny wardrobe is starting to feel snug. Because I was superskinny - superskinny even for me. Then again - is it realistic to expect to maintain superskinny status forever? Maybe I should go with something more sustainable...only...like moderation, sustainability is something I struggle with. I tend to be an all or nothing, black or white, take it or leave it kind of girl. Hence the Burnout.

So yeah. I am burnt out on a lot of things right now and so I am trying to find some balance. It's not easy given my personality but I am trying.

I don't know what it is. It sure as hell ain't country and frankly this whole tagline thing is killing me so maybe this is the post where I give up on the clever taglines and just give you me in the raw. Because that's how I feel. Utterly raw.

3 comments:

Nenette AM said...

Hey, you know what the perfect cure for burnout is? A relaxing trip up to the Great White North to hang out with your girlfriends. We can just crash on the couch at one of our houses... rent movies... visit the spa... anything you want.

I also suggest that you schedule a couple of days per week just doing nothing. Or maybe cut down on the number of projects on your plate.

I know moderation is tough, but you need rest, my dear. You need to rejuvenate. You can't keep just giving and giving all the time. You need to replenish before you run out of things to give. Then you'll get all manners of sick, and then Harmzie and I will have to come down there and take care of you.

kyooty said...

Moderation is hard in anything.

Karen from Mentor said...

Baby I echo Nen. Stop. Rest.
Recuperate. Put up a pretty picture that says "on hiatus" and take a week off. Turn off google reader. Unplug for a bit.

We'll be here when you get back to hear about how you discovered that all 7#s that you gained turned into cleavage.
:0)

And boy are the cookies you sent me yummy!!!!!!!!!!!! yum yum yum...yum yum yum...yum yum yum....
where's my infinity key?
hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!