"What?!" I practically screamed all the while trying not to lunge through the phone and shake this critical wisdom from him.
"Burnout," he said matter-of-factly. "Country Girl - you are burnt out."
And I thought about it and then I felt like weeping because OMG he was so spot on right it wasn't even funny.
I am BURNT OUT and in more ways than one.
Take running. I committed to Kiawah back in JULY. That gave me nearly 5 whole months to train. Well - most half marathon training schedules are no more than 12 weeks and with 7 weeks and 1 day still to go, I am WAY AHEAD OF THE GAME. Of course, the irony is that I feel like I have totally abandoned training. Long runs are few and far between. Monday was the first time I had done speed drills since late August. And all this running on the treadmill has me feeling woefully unprepared for running outdoors. Not to mention my knee is acting up although if I re-committed to stretching daily that might help.
Only - I feel like I don't have time to stretch because oh yeah...guess who has a social life again? That's right. After several months of being a homebody, I have been tentatively dipping my big toe into the social whirlpool. Aw fuck it. Who are we kidding? I dove into the pool headfirst and then decided to cross the damn English Channel. Seriously - chalk this up to another "I don't do moderation" moments in my life.
The good news is that I am going out, I am having fun and I adore being with friends. The bad news is that I am on occasion tired, I feel like I am ignoring things that used to be central to my existence (this blog for one thing, other people's blogs for another - do you know what it's like to open up Google Reader and have 48 unread posts? It's suffocating and overwhelming), and I am not taking great care of my body i.e. I am eating crap. I have gained 7 pounds in the last few weeks and while it doesn't make me overweight, let's just say my superskinny wardrobe is starting to feel snug. Because I was superskinny - superskinny even for me. Then again - is it realistic to expect to maintain superskinny status forever? Maybe I should go with something more sustainable...only...like moderation, sustainability is something I struggle with. I tend to be an all or nothing, black or white, take it or leave it kind of girl. Hence the Burnout.
So yeah. I am burnt out on a lot of things right now and so I am trying to find some balance. It's not easy given my personality but I am trying.
I don't know what it is. It sure as hell ain't country and frankly this whole tagline thing is killing me so maybe this is the post where I give up on the clever taglines and just give you me in the raw. Because that's how I feel. Utterly raw.