Friday, September 04, 2009

I Don't Do Anything In Moderation a la Deux

So yeah. Zero to 70 in 3 seconds flat. That's me.

Did I tell you I joined a gym? I did. Training for the half marathon has me both inspired and scared. All of this running is taking a toll on my knee and I will tell you what - after 8.5 miles (in 1:13:26 thank you very much) - I fucking feel it. And so I decided that since I was so far ahead of schedule in terms of training, I would join a gym to engage in a little cross training action and give my knee a rest a few days a week.

I also decided to once again hire a personal trainer. It's been a while - about 3 years since I paid anyone to whip my ass into shape but something about feeling so mentally strong has inspired me to be physically strong as well. And while I have been putting myself through the paces at home with free weights, an 18-lb. body bar and sick crazy amounts of discipline (squats, lunges, curls, presses, lather, rinse, repeat, moan) it's not quite the same as hiring a professional to kick your ass. Which is exactly what I told nice Mr. Gym Man when I signed up the other week.

See - I am a girl. And I am a rather wee little thing. And I am generally pretty cute. And so when I told him I wanted to sign up for personal training, I clarified that: I WANTED SOMEONE TO KICK MY ASS. Seriously. And guess what? He totally complied.

I had my first session last night at 6:30pm. I arrived early so I could spend 20 minutes on the treadmill and get warmed up because I naturally assumed I was actually going to have a session. My trainer, Cruz, approached me barely 5 minutes into my run and said he was ready to discuss my regimen whenever I was ready. So I cut my run down to 10 minutes and then Cruz and I had a little chat where I gave him epic details on my training, my weight routines at home, my knee, how I don't want to look bulky or like a musclehead, and my utter levels of crazy desire to have my ass kicked. HARD CORE. He asked me when I wanted to have my first session and I was! And so we did.

And Holy Hell y'all...Country Girl got her wish. She had her ass ceremoniously kicked and it was AWESOME! (Yes - I know I am insane. Just roll with it kids.)

We started out with super sets which OMG are awesome and amazing because they are so fucking efficient. Squats/shoulder presses. Walking lunges/bicep curls. Stiff legs/back presses (or something - I don't know what the Hell it's called). Four sets with 45-second rests in between.

Then chest presses and flys.

Then crazy, insane work on my triceps because despite being wee, and despite starting to already see some lovely definition in my upper arms, my triceps are perpetually flabby and it bothers me.

Then I voluntarily said something about wanting to do pull ups because yeah...I am crazy. And while I managed to get through 3 sets of 8 pull ups each on the machine, the goal is to do 8 unassisted pull ups eventually like the bad ass I know I am. And Cruz literally called me a "Beast" and said he'd never had a female client actually request to do pull-ups before. HA! You don't know who you are dealing with dude!

And then we did abs and OMG Holy Hell y'all - my core strength is for shit. And despite having had an awesome session where I got complimented on everything from my form to my strength to my breathing...abs fucking kicked my ass. And then, just to further inflict more torture, we did planks for 30 seconds facing front and then 30 seconds on each side. And then Cruz told me he does planks for 2 minutes at a time and I was like yeah...I am totally going to be rocking 2 minutes planks in the very near future.

And then, because I am totally insane I was high on endorphins, I hopped on the elliptical for 30 minutes to finish up my cardio.

So yeah - still smiling at being called a Beast and being the only girl so far to request pull ups. Also - I mentioned something about boxing because OMG y'all, when I lived in Texas, I actually boxed. Seriously - I joined an old-school, bad ass boxing gym that had zero air conditioning and a bunch of dudes sweating their asses off and I did bag work and speed bag work and 3 minute rounds in the ring with my Russian trainer Steve but only I am me and wee and cute and so my boxing gloves were pink because that's how I roll yo. Anyways - super sets with Cruz were done on the basketball court and suddenly my 45-second rests in between will now be spent jumping rope.

So yeah. Zero to 70 in 3 seconds flat. That's me.

And if you don't think I am a total bad ass, I will kiss (and then kick) your...


Shelly Overlook said...

Can I call you Beast from now on? I love it!

harmzie said...

*I* love pull-ups. I always have. Ever since I was in jr High and I set a record for the flexed-arm-hang (being a wee, little thing has it's advantages).

"beast" ha! New nickname! Awesome. How many is that now?

Country Girl said...

@Shelly and @ Harmzie:

I believe that makes 4 identities: Country Girl, rougeneck (aka lil rougie), Elastigirl and now Beast. And don't get me started on the various forms of initials that comprise my email, Facebook and Facebook direct because oh yeah none of them match. Sigh. Can some one pass me my meds?

Karen from Mentor said...

Do Beasts sweat? Cause I thought that in the south...a lady just *glows*

Rock on with your bad self baby...

ssueiro said...

I'm in awe and slightly scared.