1) I am a girl
2) I am a girl
3) I have never bought a car before.
But apparently my knack for shopping extends beyond cute dresses, shoes, and groceries and so yeah. I bought a car.
Back story. Cuz ya know - it's me. I grew up in NYC. I took driver's ed in high school with a guy named Keith who had more than a passing resemblance to Howard Stern and who we all liked because he let us smoke in the driver's ed car (yes - I smoked but please don't be judgy because I quit April 1st, 1996 and haven't had a puff (occasional cigar notwithstanding) since.). My first time behind the wheel was on West 91st Street and I learned to parallel park on Riverside Drive. What's my point? Frankly I am not sure because y'all know I know how to drive. I don't think this is news. I guess I am devastatingly tired and might be hallucinating right now so this post will likely not make sense. Just know that I am not high. But I am drinking a damn expensive bottle of wine because apparently the little soiree I hosted the other week wiped out my entire stash of "drinkable" wine and I've had to delve into "undrinkable" territory only it's clearly drinkable when I am desperate. Sigh. Maybe it'd be better if I were high. Anyways. I bought a car.
So it was totally not my intention to buy the 3rd car I test drove at the 2nd dealership I visited on the FIRST DAY EVER I went car shopping but oh yeah this is me we're talking about - are you really shocked?
I've known for some time I needed a new car. Seriously - when your car gives you as much blog fodder as mine has given me (too tired to hyperlink to ANY OF IT) AND it's 10 years old AND it's got 157,000 miles on it and oh yeah you drive on average 350+ miles a week...well then yeah...you might want to reconsider.
And I totally meant to do cash for clunkers. Totally. But oh dear me I was BUSY and shit and who can fucking wrap their head around buying a car (not me) and then one day cash for clunkers abruptly ended and I still had a clunker and no cash and so yeah. No car.
But frankly - dad and mom were a wee bit worried. And so they staged an intervention. Last Wednesday I received a call from the Godfather. He is not technically my Godfather although his wife is my Godmother. It's confusing and yes I know Jews don't typically have Godparents. Jews also don't celebrate Christmas but I do. Don't fucking ask. Anyways, the Godfather called to see how he could help in my car buying endeavors (up til that point totally non-existent) and suddenly, 20 minutes later I was all kinds of inspired.
It had always been my plan to replace my 1999 Chevy Blazer with a 2004 or a 2005 Blazer but after doing some basic research on Consumer Reports, I discovered that Blazers fall into the "Holy Hell don't buy that piece of shit rat trap" used car category and that if I wanted something safe and reliable I had to go Japanese. Specifically a Toyota RAV4 or a Honda CRV. A first for me.
Anyways - let me digress (because I haven't enough already) and say (and I think this may have been my original point) I have owned cars in my life. A number of them. I just have never actually bought a car. They have been bought for me. Or given to me. And the extent of my say has been: I like (or don't like as the case may be) that color. As previously stated: I am a girl.
Still, after kicking the shit out of the Hit the Brixx 10K on Saturday - I came home, showered, changed and decided to head out to look at cars. My motivation was 3-fold:
1) I was inspired by my recent chat with The Godfather
2) It was my only free Saturday for a while
3) It was pouring down rain and I figured the car salesmen would be desperate and therefore the fact that I was a girl would be less of an issue.
I started out at the closest Toyota dealer because I thought that I really wanted a RAV4. They had 6 on the lot - 5 of which were certified, pre-owned - not that I actually knew what that meant. But I totally pretended I did because oh yeah...didn't want the car salesman to think I was
*Except for Dr. Doolittle who is married to The Actress and who happens to sell cars but is not remotely like what I just described because he's totally the exception.
Long story short(ish): Toyota was a bust.
And holy hell this is a long post and OMG I am tired and OMG I am totally going to make this a cliffhanger like "Who Shot JR" only you totally know the ending it's just it'll take me way too long to write it tonight so yeah...you get the exhausted ramblings of a mad woman today...and who knows what you'll get tomorrow. Probably more of the same. Only I'll include pictures. Because I love you like that.
And if you don't think I am totally high right now, I'll totally kiss your...