Friday, August 07, 2009

Now THAT'S Gonna Leave a Mark (aka The One Where I Give Myself a Concussion)

Holy crap y'all. You would think that tearing my knee open and then lighting myself on fire would be ENOUGH. But no. It's not. Apparently I am some kind of glutton for punishment. Either that, or I am the world's biggest klutz because OMG - I managed to give myself a Grade 1 Concussion on Wednesday afternoon. Seriously y'all. I need help.

So I had to rent a car for this week's road trip. I won't go into why but suffice it to say the details of why I had to rent the car in the first place irritated the ever living crap out of me. Especially because I couldn't find the iPod adapter that plays through the radio and the CD I burned wouldn't read and so I had to listen to the radio for 2 whole days and do you know what it's like to scan through radio stations for 2 whole days trying to find a station that plays 2 decent songs in a row when not engaged in 10 minutes of commercials? IT SUCKS.

Anywho, we landed early on Wednesday and I was all sorts of excited to get HOME. Plus, there were some serious storms and I was hoping to avoid them. Well - no such luck. Somewhere in Cherryville the heavens opened up and spewed forth rain the likes of which I have never seen. Then, as I inched my way towards town, I came to a grinding halt. There was some kind of hideous accident and we were stuck for 10 minutes until the cops could wave us through. Which wasn't a bad thing per se, because the rain actually let up.

Then I stopped to fill up the rental car.

Then it started POURING again.

So yes, by the time I rolled into the rental car place, it was TORRENTIAL. However, instead of waiting in the car like a sane and normal person, and waiting for the storm to subside, I grabbed 2 of my bags and made a mad dash through the pouring rain and heaved them into the back of my car (which I had left parked overnight) and then I raced back to the rental car and hopped inside. SOAKED. Then I grabbed my purse and my laptop and made another mad dash into the actual store to return the car. SOAKED EVEN MORE.

I was about to hand the guy the keys when my OCD set in. You see, I am a thorough person. I don't check out of a hotel room without checking every drawer twice. Even if I don't unpack my suitcase. And I had been rather harried all day. And I'd had lots of loose stuff in the car. And I could just imagine something laying on the back seat or in the console or back out into the downpour I scurried for one final OCD-induced check of the car.

I struggled to get the doors unlocked but finally I pressed the automatic clicker thing enough times to open the back doors. I checked the back seat (where I was sure something had gotten loose or fallen out or been overlooked in the first mad dash and all while getting DRENCHED) - nothing. Then, in a mad, harried, frenzied, rushed dash to check the front one more time...


I opened the front door right smack into my skull. Seriously. And here was my first thought after HOLY FLIPPING HELL THAT HURT (those of you who have seen Tommy Boy will appreciate this): "Now THAT'S gonna leave a mark."

Sure enough, I stumbled back into the rental car place, looked in the mirror, and saw my own Harry Potter like scar taking shape over my right eye. And bleeding. CRAP Y'ALL. Who knew a Toyota Corolla could be likened to Lord Voldemort? Anyways, I asked the sales guy for a tissue or something - pointing to my head - and then somehow managed to make it to my car (in the now tapering rain) and drive myself home. I dragged me and the bags inside. And then I Tweeted.

Yes - once again, instead of seeking medical attention, I fucking Tweeted about it 'cuz that's how I roll. Only, Tweeting about it didn't really make me feel better. Neither did updating my Facebook status. So I did what any sane girl would do: I called my Daddy.

Ostensibly, I called to let him know I made it home safe. But he could tell within seconds from the sound of my voice that something was wrong. And so I finally broke down and let him know that I had smacked myself silly in the head with the car door and that OMG I WAS IN EXCRUCIATING AMOUNTS OF PAIN. He had 2 words for me: "Natasha Richardson." Then he had 4 more: "Go to the hospital."

So seriously - I want to politely suggest to anyone out there thinking of smacking themselves in the head with a car door, cutting off a finger, poking their own eye out with a spork or accidentally amputating a limb: Don't do it between 6pm and 6:45pm because everyone you know in a 10 mile radius will be busy and/or without their cell phone.

Seriously y'all - it took me 39 minutes and I don't know how many phone calls and texts to 7 people before I finally found someone to take me to the ER. At which point I was in total shock and near hysterics...So by the way...God Bless my friend Becky because OMG she is an Angel on Earth and a Total Saint. And Thank You to the SIX of seven of you who responded to my pleas even though I didn't leave any of you messages - you simply saw I called and you called or texted back as soon as you could. As for the 7th...well...right now I am mentally flipping you off - especially since you actually responded to the first text and then totally left me hanging once I said I needed a ride to the yeah...I know where I stand...

So Becky arrived and drove me to the ER and I was so relieved when we pulled in because the parking lot was virtually empty and I took that as a good sign. And I walked in and Triage was closed so I went straight to registration and I managed to rattle off a good bit of information including phone numbers and zip codes and birthdays and all sorts of information which seemed to indicate that I hadn't suffered any real neurological damage.

And the wait was short before Triage called my name and they took my temperature and my blood pressure (which according to Becky was quite high) and asked me what happened. And then I got lead back to a room to see the doctor and by this point 5 of the 7 people I had reached out to were texting and calling up a storm (with Becky being #6 and being right by my side and doing everything to keep me calm and #7 being a heretofore mentioned insensitive and uncaring a*hole) and finally the doctor came in and I once again repeated the entire story about what a freak utter klutz I am and he looked at my eyes and in my ears and down my throat and made me follow his finger and answer some questions ("No - I am not bleeding from my ears.") and then he said I had a concussion and I near about died only apparently a concussion is not a big deal - especially if you have a Grade 1 Concussion which is what I have. It's fairly mild and it's the equivalent of straining a muscle and he told me I'd be fine and it was ok to go home and lay down and go to sleep and not worry about dying. He suggested I avoid any kind of contact sport or activity for the next 2 weeks that might make me susceptible to further head injury (Oh - you mean LIKE WALKING? Because clearly - open cabinet doors pose a serious threat to my physical well-being) and then he basically told me I'd have a headache and maybe continue to be nauseous (which I was and which I had told him about already) and that my reaction time might be slow (Oh - you mean slower than it already is?) and that if I was projectile vomiting and/or had slurred speech and/or couldn't remember things that I would need to come back to the hospital but otherwise I'd be fine. Oh yeah - he also told me that based on where I had hit myself in the head, I might wind up with a black eye if the blood pooled. Sigh.

So Becky brought me home and I had toast and tea and some soup and about 3 Advil and I just couldn't get over the fact that I GAVE MYSELF A FLIPPING CONCUSSION Y'ALL because OMG - What is wrong with me??

Anyways - I was going to post pictures but frankly it's not that interesting. I mean - really if you've seen one concussion, you've seen them all.

And if that ain't country, I'll kiss your...


his_girl_friday said...

You are a poor thing. I'm so sorry I missed your call! Glad you're okay. Some time we should get together and talk shit about No. 7 whoever she/he may be.

Nenette AM said...

Holy moly, girlfriend! I'm so sorry about all of this. Great to hear that you're okay, but OMG, the knee, and now your head (am I missing anything else?)!!!
I'm glad you got the help you needed, but stay safe, because I won't be able to come and help on time... having to hunt for my passport and get a flight and all. :)

Shelly Overlook said...

Holy cow, girl. Were you always this prone to hurt yourself or is this a newer development?

Wishing you an injury free weekend!

Country Girl said...

I don't recall always being so accident prone...but that might be the head injury talking. Suffice it to say, I am terrified to chop tomatoes for my lunchtime salad because OMG - I could lose a finger...

Eve said...

Oh my goodness Sarah! You can't continue to do this to yourself, not with the training and Kiawah coming up!

Nancy said...

Holy shit! A concussion for real?!
I hope you're feeling better!
Good luck and stay away from sharp objects and high ledges!

AndreAnna said...

You are a walking disaster area, girl!! But so am I, which leads me to be very VERY concerned for our inevitable dinner party with wine. :)

You have 911 on speed dial right?

AndreAnna said...

Oh and P.S. If you would have called me, I would have been there in 6 hours. :)

P.P.S. Glad youre ok.

Country Girl said...

@NenetteAM and @AndreaAnna - you both would have been here a lot faster than yeah...that's why I love you girls! xoxo

ps For some reason this shit only happens when I am sober. Maybe I need to drink more wine...

Karen from Mentor said...

Holy cow woman! Well, they say things happen in threes, so you're over the hurdle.

I'm driving the nine hours down on Saturday with baby proofing things...outlet plug covers, those soft things to pad sharp furniture edges, stair tread safety strips and some rubber ducky bathtub non slip appliques.

That should cover all the bases.
In the meantime? Don't stand on any ladders without some sort of (cute/young/ripped) supervision.

Karen :0)

harmzie said...

(I don't know if you know this, but I am the worst friend ever. Commenting, like 16 hours later and only pausing to say obnoxious things on Twitter & FB. ALSO, while Nen has to hunt for her passport and all, I would still have to wait, like 10 weeks for mine or some ghastly thing. The good news is I'd get a cheaper flight! Still, I'd make it before #7)

So I'll reiterate my Twitter-admonishing: Slow down girl! Breathe! One foot in front of the other! You need all 10 fingers to make me cookies and such.

(also, watch the dosage on the Advil. They don't build much safety factor in & you can F-up your liver if you're pumping them over a few days)