Saturday, July 18, 2009

Can You Please Explain Traffic To Me? (And the Universe Has a Party at a Truck Stop in SC)

To Whom It May Concern:

I have a question for you. When I was driving home from the beach today the oddest thing happened that drove me utterly bitchcakes completely baffled me. There I was, driving along I-26 at the posted 70mph speed limit when suddenly I came to a grinding halt on account of all the cars stopped in front of me. After being parked for a few minutes, we started creeping along at 15mph, then inched up to 30 mph and suddenly I was back up to doing 70mph. There were no accidents. No road work. No debris in the middle of the road. And so therefore, I found this to be truly puzzling. What was further puzzling, was that after this first, seemingly odd and random occurrence, it happened again and again and again and again and again over a 30-mile stretch of road. One minute - cruising along at 70mph. The next minute, I'm inching along at 10mph. What gives?

Oh - and also - I am so glad that I decided to stop at the Pilot-McDonald's gas station/truck stop at exit 159 off of I-26 right at 12:30pm today. Really - because apparently the ENTIRE UNIVERSE was there having some sort of party. I am sure you meant to tell me - or perhaps my invitation simply got lost in the mail. As it is, luckily I was appropriately attired in my pretty pink Isaac Mizrahi sundress so I don't feel too bad because you know I would never want to show up at a party with the ENTIRE UNIVERSE underdressed - quel horreur! Seriously - I have never seen so many people in one gas station/truck stop before. And while at first I was mildly peeved, I have to say you did your part because the epic line for the ladies room moved faster then traffic on I-26 at a nice clip and I swear there were magic helper elves in that McDonald's kitchen. Was that a hint of freshly ground pepper on my plain double cheeseburger? Seriously - I have never had one so good.

Oh - you know what else baffled me? At the giant truck stop party, I overheard one man say that the reason for all of the traffic was that people were coming back from the beach. Really? Don't weekends usually end on Sundays? Am I missing something? I know - I sound like a hypocrite because I was technically returning from the beach on a Saturday however I was returning from a work thing so today is still a weekday for me.

Anyways, I know you're super busy with a lot of important things to tend to, but when you get a chance, can you please explain this random start/stop traffic pattern thing to me? And the weekend thing. I'd really, really like to know. Thanks!

xoxo Country Girl

PS To the driver who pulled out across 2 lanes of traffic and directly in front of me on 321 as I was approaching at 60mph: In an attempt to control my road rage, I did not say a word - although I did honk my horn long and loud because OMG did you even have a clue what you did? Anyways, I held my breath because I did not think it would do any good to say anything at the time. And really, I wanted to give it some serious consideration. Well, almost 2 hours have passed and I've given it some thought and I have decided to go ahead and say it, because really, you deserve it: ASSHOLE

PPS To any mechanics out there: on account of the constant stop-and-go traffic on I-26 and the aforementioned asshole, I will probably need new brakes shortly. Who can cut me the best deal?