Thursday, June 11, 2009

Things I Wish I Could Do But Can't

There are some fundamentally *basic* things in this world that I would like to be able to do and/or feel like I should be able to do but for whatever reason I am unable to do (or perhaps think I am unable to do) and this frustrates me to no end.

1) Iron: Growing up the cleaning lady did the laundry and hand dried all of the 100% cottons and ironed everything and I had a very neatly pressed wardrobe. Whenever I moved out, I stopped ironing. Then a few years ago when I was clearly high when I was feeling inspired, I begged Marty to buy me an iron for Christmas. And he did - a top of the line Rowenta. I've maybe used it a dozen times. Possibly a dozen and a half. I can usually manage to get wrinkles out, but I inevitably wind up up creating more in the process. Also - my placemats never come out right which is very annoying. So much so that the custom made placemats on the kitchen table are never actually used (they are there for decoration only) because God forbid one of them gets dirty and I have to wash it and then it will look like a limp, wrinkly, crooked piece of crap.

2) Sew: I am domestic in many ways but sewing is just not my thing. And it's not like my mom sewed when I was a kid and that's why I want to be able to sew. But I remember once being in Barney's and coveting a rack full of very pretty cotton, floral, knee-length circle skirts. And I remember fainting at the prices (almost $400 per skirt). And I remember my friend telling me how easy it would be to buy some fabric and a simple pattern and make one myself. And then a little while later I discovered Allison Anne skirts and again, there was some coveting going on. But $250? Please people.

3) Golf: No one in my family golfs but all of my friends golf and one of my friends is even married to someone who plays on the PGA Tour. And it's not like I am crazy about golf as a sport - I don't watch it on TV, I don't pay attention to Tiger's comings and goings. But I actually want to learn to play golf for professional purposes. You see I am in marketing. In finance. And there's a lot of golf tournaments. And deals get closed on the golf course. And there are not a lot of female golfers so I'd really stand out. Oh and then there's the whole golf wardrobe I'd get to buy...Oh the sacrifices I am willing to make for my own professional development.

4) Garden: EVERYONE I know (and this is not an exaggeration of any kind - this is an actual, scientifically proven fact) can garden EXCEPT me. I know - you're saying to yourself: What do you mean she CAN'T garden? How can she not know how to dig, how to plant, how to water? Well I do know how to dig. Just not how deep. Or how far apart. And I do know how to plant. But again - I don't know how deep or how far apart. And I do know how to water. Just not how much. And how often. And every time I ask someone to teach me about gardening they look at me like I have asked them to teach me how to breathe - as if it were the most natural function in the world. "Oh it's so easy," they say. "You just dig, plant, and water." It makes me want to thwack them in the knee caps with a trowel. Or maybe a hoe. And if you start talking about "pruning" and "cutting back" I might get stabby with a rake.

5) Understand how my car works: My passion to show up the Snappy Lube dude has already been well chronicled. But I felt like for the purposes of this list, I had to include it again.

6) Sing Karaoke: Ok. I can sing karaoke. Just not well and I'd like to be able to sing it well.

So lovelies - what's on your list? What can't you do that you wish you could?

All right. I have spent the last 10 minutes trying to come up with a clever, Country Girl ending to this post. It ain't happening and I refuse to resort to using Bojangles biscuits as a blogging crutch. Oh wait. I think I just did.

And if that ain't country, I'll kiss your...


AliCat said...

In addition to your desire to know things about cars, I add this:

I wish I knew how to hook up/adjust/whatever electronic devices, i.e. TV, DVD, speakers, etc. I have a VCR that sat in its proper place under the TV for a year and half but never worked because I didn't know what to plug it into.

kyooty said...

I want to know how to fix my own computer but without it being difficult.
I want to know how to get a picture of a bear without getting killed.
I don't know how to sew, I don't iron but I loved marketing in Business school.

OH and I want to learn how to do my hair so it doesn't look the same everyday

AndreAnna said...

I can't iron for shit either. I wash everything and then take it to the dry cleaner for pressing.

I also want to learn to golf and can't sew but have no real desire to. I know I can't sing and I'm a mildly decent gardner, but not great at all.

I wish I knew how to make things and do household projects, like carpentry and stuff, or redoing my bathroom myself.

Elizabeth aka @APMonkey said...

1. Play the drums
2. Speak many, many languages
3. Have crazy mad ninja skills

Jen said...

I can help with lots of the things you want to learn how to do. There are 3 climbing hydrangea's with your name on them. I'll even let you dig!

I want to learn:
How to golf (may have a networking hook up for us on this one)

AliCat - if you don't have the VCR working yet:
The plugs & end of cords should be color coded. Just match them up. You should have 1-2 cables with red, white & yellow pluggie things on the ends. You either have one cable with all three colors or two cables - one that is red & white and the other is yellow. You should also have two pieces of cable cord (coax). One is already attached to your tv. Other should have been in the VCR box.
You'll need to take the cable coming into the tv, unscrew it, screw it into the VCR (says cable in - usually incredibly faintly, flashlight might help). Then take another piece of cable cord (coax) and screw it into the cable out on the VCR and the other end into the Cable In on the TV.

Then the red, white & yellow plugs into the VCR on one end and the TV on the other. (Red & white = stereo sound, yellow = video).

If you have a cable box, email me and I can give a different set of instructions!

Yes, I am a tech geek.

harmzie said...

Oh, I can iron *just fine*. Beautifully, in fact. I just don't, because who the HELL wants to do that crap?!

And sew. I can do it but bleh... Gardening. Just because I DO it, doesn't mean I CAN.

What do I wish I could do but can't:

a) focus
ii) manage time
C) Organize
x) look! A bird!!
7) Golf

Karen from Mentor said...

Well to start with you almost lost me at "the cleaning lady"....

I went (picture scooby doo doing a double take with that noise he makes) then I remembered where and with whom you grew up and regrouped.

I can iron. Don't anymore. If it must be unwrinkled, I use a steamer, otherwise I hang it up damp and use a misting bottle which works really well actually.

I don't golf..too many poisons sprayed on all of that artificially green space..and I like having only TWO pert and perky breasts thank you very much.

Can't sew. Wish I had a photo of the 7th grade home ec project.
can hem, can stitch a button, can make fairy and princess costumes using lots of safety pins and imagination but SEW as in SEW? NO.

Sing? the fruit of my womb told me recently that when I sing in the car and I think that I'm singing higher I'm actually just singing louder (sigh) yeah, grew up where dope, racing cars and tipping cows were recreational cars? can do that. Also, never saw another girl until I was six.

Garden yes. hell yes.

the up side to that is you're YOUNG you can garden until you're a hundred. put a pin in that and come back to it.

I want to learn to play the guitar.
I want to learn to levitate.
I want to learn to juggle.
not necessarily in that order.

Karen :)

musingwoman said...

I wish I could learn to survive on just a few hours sleep.

Nenette AM said...

Hmm... okay, first of all, very nice use of the word "stabby". I'm so proud. :)

Anyway, gardening I can do, and I'm getting better at it simply, because I love it and enjoy practicing to get better at it.
It's the weeding that totally blows. I wish I had more patience to get that job done.

I'd love to:
- speak Spanish and French
- sing well
- have good carpentry skills
- sew
- play the guitar


pbw said...

Actually you spent 15% of $5000...the insurance company did the 85% thing...or maybe you just have really bad insurance, in which case I stand corrected.

pbw said...

Actually you spent 15% of $5000...the insurance company did the 85% thing...or maybe you just have really bad insurance, in which case I stand corrected.

pbw said...

Actually you spent 15% of $5000...the insurance company did the 85% thing...or maybe you just have really bad insurance, in which case I stand corrected.