Tuesday, May 26, 2009

What I DON'T Do

Ok, so clearly despite my Manhattan upbringing I have adapted to Life in the Country. I mean, we all know about my love of country music, NASCAR and Bojangles. This stuff is hardly news. And in fact - some folks have commented recently on the fact that If That Ain't Country...well, that it just ain't that country any more. And all I can say is this: After 3 years, I am no longer a fish out of water and trips to the feed store just don't seem quite so blogworthy. So I am trying to go with the flow and stay flexible...

Still - I realized the other day that I am not 100% Country. There are still certain Country Things that I don't do.

For example. Livermush. I don't do livermush. In fact - I don't even think about livermush. Ever. But the other day, my friend Moriarty left the following comment:

i think you should blog about livermush and how magical it is. you know, you can't get livermush just anywhere.

I sent him a message back saying I don't do livermush and then I suggested that he guest post on the subject (the offer still stands dude).

But this got me thinking about what other Country-type-things-banners-of-living-in-the-South I don't do and voila...another post was born! (ps Thanks Moriarty! Blog fodder is hard to come by sometimes...)

Grits. I generally don't do grits. Ok. I do grits occasionally. If it involves cheese. And then I realized I already wrote about How I Do Grits 2 months ago.

Sweet Tea. I don't so sweet tea. And this is mainly because for the most part I don't believe in wasting calories on beverages (unless it's wine). I am strictly a Coke Zero/Diet Dr. Pepper/Crystal Light/Splenda in my coffee kind of gal. If I am going to have something southern and sweet - it's probably gonna be banana puddin'.

Collards. I don't do collards. With the exception of the pork-laden collards at 12 Bones which were insanely good. I'd do those collards all day long. But in general, love me some spinach. Love me some chard. Looooooove me some broccoli rabe. But collards? Nope. And it kind of sucks because when you go to the grocery store down here they have like 10 different hard core, dark, leafy greens (collards, kale, mustard greens, etc.) and no broccoli rabe. And I looooooooooooooove broccoli rabe. Really.

Church. Ok. So I realize I might be opening up a can of worms with this one. And trust me when I say I am so not trying to be controversial with this one or offend anyone because I think every person is entitled to their own religious beliefs, practices and preferences. I have nothing against Christians, Muslims, Agnostics or Atheists. I have friends who are in Bible Study classes and friends who sing in choirs. I have friends who go to church twice a week and friends who go to church twice a year. As I said - to each his own.

The issue for me is that church and religion are a HUGE part of life in the south. Seriously - they didn't name it the Bible Belt for nothing. If you meet someone for the first time, they are just as likely to ask you where you go to Church as they are to ask where you work or where you went to school. And me being Jewish...well I never quite know what to say.

The other week, while I was waiting for my appointment with the physical therapist to tell me that I needed new shoes my knee was fine, the background music in the waiting room was church music. And not Christian rock or gospel like you'd hear on the radio. But hardcore "Jesus is King" hymns. And to say I felt uncomfortable is an understatement. I mean I get it - there are less than a dozen Jews in this town. But still - I would imagine that I am not the only one who would be put off by the presence of God and religion in a physical therapy office. I just don't see what one has to do with the other.

Ditto the lovely check-out girl at Wal-Mart who tells me to have a blessed day. Thank you for not telling me to have a crappy day or to please get run over by a car in the parking lot. But blessed? I'd rather her say: Have nice day. Have a lovely day. Blessed makes me mildly uncomfortable because I believe that she is automatically assuming something about me that is not quite true.

And so actually, this is something I struggle with. And I've talked about it with some friends down here. And they tell me it's a way of life and to get used to it.

And goodness I hope I haven't offended anyone. I really want to emphasize that I believe religion has a place in this world. I guess I just believe in separation of church and state. Or church and Wal-Mart.

And if that ain't country, I'll kiss your...

ps After going off on the whole religion tangent, I totally forgot to ask dear readers: What Don't You Do? And remember - this is a family-friendly blog so please keep it PG. Ok - PG13.


AndreAnna said...

"Separation of church and Wal-mart" BWAH!

You're too funny.

I don't do church either but as you know, it's no big deal in the northeast. I think I'd be really protective of my agnosticism if I went South and that would most likely end badly.

Beth Fish said...

I don't do meat and I don't do Jesus. Well, I don't do religion in general, but Jesus is the thing people try to sell me most often.

Nenette AM said...

I don't do church... after 13 years of catholic school education and religious fanatic parents, I think I've done my quota. I'm now known as the Bad Girl in the filipino community in this town. Look at me! I'm burning in hell!

I don't do red meat.

I don't do anything that ends with "-athalon"... triathalon, decathalon, and such. I'm thinking of adding 'marathon' to that list.

I don't do fake tans.

And the rest of my 'don't do' things were covered in my f*ck-it list (my anti-bucket list) post a couple of months back.

kyooty said...

What I don't do... hmmmm? well that list is short, oh wait you said pg13!
Oh I don't go trying to convert people. the list is THAT short? oh I don't do formula, but now that my kids are BIG it's not as big of a thing to think about. I don't do homeschool. I don't do library runs with a 4yrold, uh no! cause someone will LOSE a book!
I don't "swim" and I don't Ski!

harmzie said...

I don't do panhandlers nor charities at the door (exceptions: meighbour kids, and I mean On My Block, and friends in charity walks etc). That may sound harsh & cheap, but I do have very specific reasons. The panhandler one I covered in my 25 things (I'm gonna say March?) I am adamant about that one. Pisses my mom off. That's not why I'm adamant. Shut up! It is not!

I don't do religion INCLUDING anti-religion. Mostly fervent anti-God bugs me (there is a difference IMHO).

I don't do wet and/or cold without a whole lot of whining...

musingwoman said...

Something I don't do: coconut...unless it's flavoring a pina colada.

Fiona Picklebottom said...

I grew up in the south and I don't do and never did grits, tea or collards. That stuff is seriously nasty. Well, grits are tolerable if they're made with heavy cream and have lots of butter and cheese. I only sporadically did church, and I was never very good at it.