Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Shag, Showgirls, Tractor Pulls, etc.

So I wasn't kidding the other day when I said that I needed to find a tractor pull or something to get back in touch with my inner rougeneck. Clearly it's been all about fashion shows and fabulous golf outings and there's been nothing nitty, gritty, dirty or purty about any of it. And after all, the name of this blog is "If That Ain't Country" and not "Let's Do Lunch" or "That's Why There's Staff Darling" or "A Cocktail a Day..." (although that does sound interesting) or "I Am Super Duper Fabulous So Why Don't You Read All About It and Dream One Day of Being My Friend" (although I am super duper fabulous and of course, dear reader, you are my friend. Although just maybe not on Facebook.).

Nope. I am Country Girl/rougeneck (depending on what part of Cyber Space I am visiting and no - this does NOT mean I have multiple personality disorder. It simply means - well, I don't know what it means but it does not mean that I require medication...) and so Country Girl/rougeneck I will be. So yesterday morning in the shower I made a mental list of all of things on my "To Do" list to show you all that I hadn't gone all totally Glamma Girl on you.

1) Tractor Pull. I am not kidding. Sarah and Josh and I discussed tractor pulls after Monster Truck Jam and again after roller skating and it was my responsibility to do the research. And I did. I mean, I actually fucking Googled "tractor pulls NC" and got tons of hits and found a bunch that weren't 4 hours away. Only my crazy, busy travel schedule this spring/summer prevented us (well me) from actually attending any and so I held off on sharing with Sarah and Josh and just figured we'd wait until the Cleveland County fair this fall because then there would be tractor pulls AND giant vegetables bigger than a house.

2) Bowling. This was another "Sarah-Josh-Sarah-How-Can-We-Make-Mischief" activity - although it wasn't mine to research. (Hey Sarah or Josh - if you are reading this - which one of you is handling and why hasn't it been scheduled yet?). And it was partly about the rented footwear and partly about the fact that I promised if we went bowling I would totally re-enact the "Score Tonight" musical number from Grease 2 - which I confess - might be difficult because it's one of the bigger musical/dance sequences in the movie and it stars, like, 100 people and I am only one. And then I thought that perhaps I wouldn't re-enact the entire number but maybe only Adrian Zmed's piercing scream while he slides on his knees down the lane or maybe I'd re-enact what might be the worst cinematic cut in the history of all movies everywhere which involves Mr. Zmed jumping from point A and then landing in like, Uruguay. I mean - shitty cinematography and totally random. And then I thought maybe I would just find gold lame pedal pushers like the ones Lorna Luft wears and just sing the entire song (Hell, I could sing the entire soundtrack and frankly, who couldn't use gold lame pedal pushers?) and then I realized I don't have Grease 2 on DVD (only VHS) and I don't have the CD (and the soundtrack isn't available on iTunes - WTF?) and suddenly I got depressed. Next.

3) Bristol Tix. Yes, my girl @lilsaej - (Ok - that's not her name - that's her Twitter profile name but it's so damn cute I just want to refer to her as @lilsaej from now on. Besides, her real name is Sara and there are too many damn Saras/Sarahs in my life and this distinguishes her nicely so she will now forever be known as @lilsaej.) - so @lilsaej and I are going to the August race in Bristol (sans boys) if we have to hitchhike for 3 days and sleep with a dwarf truck driver named Leroy.

Just kidding. About the hitchhiking thing really. You think I know NASCAR? I just graduated kindergarten and moved to 1st grade. @lilsaej is a fucking NASCAR PhD and when we discovered our shared love of racing it was @lilsaej who told me we had to either go to Bristol or Talladega. And when we settled on Bristol in August (can you believe of 4 possible races this was the only one that worked?) and I started looking for tickets, it was @lilsaej (FYI pronounced at-lil-say-jay) who told me exactly where we had to sit at the track ("We need to be kinda high up and preferably on the end of a row." - Yeah - OK!). Meanwhile, tix for the Saturday night race are still not available solo and you can only buy a package deal with the Friday night race too for like, twice the money, so I don't know what we're gonna do. Yet. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to rule out hitchhiking.

4) Shag and Showgirls Party. So I know - so not ITAC (and so random) and I am thinking it may warrant a separate post but in brief...this was the complete and utter result of Facebook genius in that my friend Alice and I both discovered that we had a shared love of the movie Shag and thought about throwing a Shag party together. And then not too long after, I hosted a Saved By The Bell Party which FYI I had planned pre-Shag discussion and which was truly the inspiration for the whole notion that one ought to throw a party centered around any TV show or movie with which one is obsessed and/or has an inordinate amount of knowledge and which FYI featured a geniusly themed menu including Bayside Breezes and Lisa Turtle Brownie Sundaes and which I did not write about on this blog at the time for fear of being JUDGED...Anyways, that day my FB status updates were all SBTB all the time and I made some random (and clearly sarcastic) comment wondering why Elizabeth Berkeley hadn't gotten more acting props given the EXTREME range she demonstrated between uptight Jessie Spano on SBTB (save for when she became a druggie...sorry, got hooked on caffeine pills - and btw isn't that akin to my addiction to Coke Zero?) and her work as Nomi in Showgirls. And then someone else on FB wanted to throw a Showgirls party and somehow the Shag party and the Showgirls party got married and so on May 16th I will likely be wearing pedal pushers and pasties. Or not. If it doesn't happen my friend Mary invited me to her Preakness party in which case I will be wearing strapless seersucker and a giant hat.

5) So 2 nights ago on Facebook I see the following status update from Sarah Marie: surprised her parents aren't more excited about the Bob Dylan/ Willie Nelson combo. What's going on here? When did I start loving Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson more than them?

then screaming "Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson!" into the phone. Hopefully peer pressure will work...

so then

ME...Willie Nelson? Why weren't you screaming into my ear....


ME...What's the actual Tuesday? Because I'd so be there - in braids and a bandana (natch) - if possible. Because, you know, it's WILLIE F-ING NELSON!!!!!!

And so now I will be in Durham on Tuesday July 28th for Willie Nelson, Bob Nelson and John Mellencamp.

And if that ain't country, I'll kiss your...


Nenette AM said...

"We're gonna rock, we're gonna roll, we're gonna bop, we're gonna bowl. We're gonna score-score-score-score-sco-o-ore! Tonight!"

Yes, I can probably sing the soundtrack with you, girlfriend! LOL

harmzie said...

I have never been to a tractor pull or a NASCAR race. Which is not to say it's an impossibility.

However, I will say that the other day you unwittingly caused a small ripple of events that culminated in Max asking: "why is Pepper (6 yo) sitting there watching NASCAR?" (he had been watching hockey or some damn thing)