Thursday, June 07, 2007

The Lincolnton Witch Trials

Ok - I confess. I am a major, serious, hardcore Harry Potter geek. Honestly and truly. And as such, I've been preparing for the upcoming onslaught of Harry Potter mania. How you ask?

Well, in anticipation of the release of the 7th book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I re-read books 1 - 6. That's over 3300 pages (5 hardcovers, 1 paperback) in less than 2 weeks (in case you're wondering where I've been...)

And in anticipation of the movie release of Order of the Phoenix (#5), Marty & I are planning a movie marathon of the first 4, one per week leading up to the July 13th release date. Not only are we watching the movies, but we're doing complete themed dinners with special cocktails and everything. We were even going to get props - which is what led us to Wal-Mart tonight.

We originally scheduled the first movie for next week but decided to bump it up to tomorrow. We already had the menu planned (Hagrid's Pie, McGonagall's Mixed Greens, Witche's Brew) but needed the props. Marty had seen a Harry Potter wand kit or something available at Wal-Mart and so we headed out.

Now I don't mind Wal-Mart and in a pinch, it's been the perfect spot for a little local retail therapy. Marty on the other hand, despises Wal-Mart. He had a bad experience trying to pick up a prescription for his grandmother a while back and hasn't been the same since.

Still, we entered the store and headed straight for the toys. There was Shrek and there was Spider-Man. Pirates of the Caribbean and Transformers. But no Harry Potter.

"Maybe it's not out yet," I suggested. "Maybe they're waiting until closer to when the movie comes out in July." I did my best to sound hopeful.

"I don't think so," said Marty. "There is a reason why there's not one thing in this store with Harry Potter on it."


"We're in the Bible Belt. Witchcraft isn't exactly looked upon favorably."


"Didn't you ever see Footloose? It's the same concept."

"Of course. But don't be silly. I bought the DVDs here a few months ago." It's true.

So we headed back to movies and searched and searched but no Harry Potter. Marty finally asked a clerk: "Do you have any Harry Potter?"

"No," he said. "We used to, but we don't any more. I don't know why."

Marty gave me a smug "I-told-you-so-look" and we departed Wal-Mart empty handed.

And if that ain't county, I'll kiss your...