Thursday, January 25, 2007

Xanax Schmanax

A reference to Xanax in an earlier post drew some concerns from readers. Ok - mainly my mom and my older brother.

Let me just clear the issue up right now. I have never, ever taken a Xanax. Which also explains why I probably misspelled it. No plastic pill bottles to reference.

The point I was trying to make was that driving at night provoked such severe anxiety (every night I'd leave my office I'd get this huge pit in my stomach and my pulse would start to race as I contemplated the extreme focus and vigilance required - not to mention the fact that oncoming headlights blind me) that I am sure, could I find a psychopharmacologist in a 50 mile radius (which is not as easy it sounds - it's not like NY where's there's a psychopharm on every corner of Park between 72nd and 86th) I am sure she would write me a scrip for Xanax.

Believe me. I need all of my wits when I am driving - day or night. Controlled substances simply aren't an option.

But this is all behind me now. Yes dear readers, I have made it through the darkest, deepest, longest, anxiety-provoking days of winter. And all I can say is, Hallelujah!

I noticed it this week. As I got into my car at 6:01pm on Wednesday it wasn't dark. It wasn't light. We were heavily into twilight but there were shreds of light. And for 10 or 15 minutes my visibility was that much better.

Tonight, I managed to leave at 5:50pm. I had even that much more light. It was if I had something to look forward to. Knowing that the days were clearly once again getting longer. Knowing that I had survived one of my biggest challenges and that I could (no pun intended) see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And it's not just at night. In the mornings, when I go out to feed the goats, I no longer require a flashlight. And every day is that much longer. It makes me overjoyed.

Pretty soon, it'll be light out when I come home and I can go have a glass of wine with Elvis and Ann-Margaret in the pasture.

And if that ain't county, I'll kiss your...