Saturday, August 12, 2006

The If That Ain't Country Reality Tour

Do y'all remember that episode of Seinfeld where J. Peterman writes his memoirs using Kramer's stories so Kramer tells everyone he is the real Peterman and begins leading the "Peterman Reality Tour" for $37.50?

Well now readers of this blog who visit Lincolnton can take the If That Ain't Country Reality Tour.

Our first customer? Rick Cook, our friend from Houston who came in for the weekend to visit.

He arrived last night in Charlotte, and by the time we got back to Lincolnton at around 10, we opted to go to Fatz for a drink. Why Fatz? Well, of all of Lincolnton's "bars" it's the nicest and the clientele is fairly innocuous (the same can not be said for other Lincolnton establishments).

But Fatz shuts down at 11pm - even on a Friday and we weren't ready to go home. So I suggested Zippers. After all, Rick is an avid reader of the blog and I figured he would want to experience some real, authentic Lincolnton social culture.

So off we drove to Zippers. As it was pouring rain and I didn't have an umbrella, the boys dropped me off in front of the bar while they went to park.

I walked in and immediately a young man sitting at the bar asked me if I was lost.

I had a good internal chuckle and said that no, I wasn't lost, I was just a bit frizzy. He gave me another once over and quickly deduced that in my fitted black dress with cap sleeves, a sweetheart neck and a bottom which tapered at my knees like a pencil skirt, and my leopard print, pony skin D'orsay heels from Hollywould that I was not a local.

And I'll admit, I stood out in the mostly jeans wearing biker bar crowd. But I assured him I was indeed a local and relished in the fact that I could cause such a stir.

Lenny (the man's name) offered me his seat and helped me flag down the bartender to order a round of beers (about all you want to drink at Zippers.)

By this time Marty and Rick had entered and made their way to where we were sitting. Marty introduced himself as my brother (when I asked him later why he did that, he told me felt bad about busting Lenny's grove as he tried to pick me up!) but no fool was Lenny. He deduced we were married although that didn't stop him from flirting with me under Marty's watchful eye.

So we hung out Zippers and had a few beers, listening to the warbling strains of average karaoke singers belting out country tunes. It was crowded - much more crowded than the night we went in May. And the crowd was younger for sure - many in their late 20s, early 30s. Although that didn't seem to stop the wave of outdated perms, poor fashion choices and too much eye make-up.

Today, we brought Rick to Don's Grill for lunch where he was introduced to a hamburger Carolina style (chili, slaw, mustard and onions) and Sundrop (a sort of Mountain Dew type citrus soda quite prevalent in these parts).

We are going out again tonight to continue the If That Ain't Country Reality Tour. Lenny invited us to join him at a music venue in Cornelius called The Double Door. Or there's always the famous Silver Bullet.

Our neighbor Carl, who drives an 18-wheeler (and who incidentally was the one who introduced us to both Zippers and Iron Thunder), pulls back into town tonight and will join us so I am sure there will be some interesting tales to share tomorrow.

And if that ain't country, I'll kiss your...